Key Takeaways
- Children are more likely to pursue their own dreams when they witness their parents doing the same, regardless of age or circumstances.
- Returning to education or pursuing delayed aspirations creates powerful modeling that shapes your children’s belief systems about possibility.
- Balancing family responsibilities with personal goals teaches children valuable lessons about priorities, time management, and the importance of self-fulfillment.
- Research shows that children of parents who pursue education later in life are more likely to value learning and complete their own higher education.
- Your decision to pursue unfinished dreams now can heal personal regret while simultaneously creating a legacy of persistence for your children.
- Newman University’s Adult Completion program helps create personalized education experiences that gets you to your degree finish line fast.
That moment you decided to put your education on hold wasn’t the end of your academic story—it was just an extended intermission. Whether it was five years ago or twenty, the dream you set aside still matters, and pursuing it now might be one of the most powerful gifts you can give your children. When parents demonstrate that dreams don’t have expiration dates, they create a living example of persistence that shapes their children’s understanding of possibility in ways that mere words never could.
The unwritten message most parents don’t realize they’re sending when they abandon their own dreams is devastating: “Dreams are for the young. At some point, you have to give up and accept reality.” Is that really what you want your children to learn? Your decision to return to school or pursue that long-delayed passion does more than fulfill your personal aspirations—it rewrites the narrative your family lives by.
Why Your Dreams Matter More Than You Think
- Your children internalize your relationship with your own dreams
- Adult learning creates a culture of growth in your home
- Pursuing delayed dreams demonstrates resilience after setbacks
- Your regrets become silent lessons your children absorb
- Children with degree-completing parents are 21% more likely to complete college themselves
The impact of watching a parent return to school or pursue a long-held dream creates ripples that extend far beyond the immediate household. When children witness their parents prioritizing education and personal growth, they internalize the message that learning is a lifelong journey rather than something that ends after youth. This modeling becomes especially powerful when they see you overcome obstacles, manage multiple responsibilities, and persist through challenges.
What many parents don’t realize is that children develop their sense of what’s possible largely through observation, not instruction. The unspoken dynamic of “Do as I say, not as I do” creates cognitive dissonance that children inevitably resolve—usually by following the example set rather than the advice given. When you tell your children to pursue their dreams while neglecting your own, you’re unintentionally teaching them that dreams are childish things to be outgrown.
Research consistently shows that educational achievement runs in families not primarily due to genetics but because of environmental modeling. One study found that children whose parents completed degree programs that had been previously interrupted were 21% more likely to complete their own higher education compared to those whose parents never returned to finish what they started.
Adult & Professional Studies
The Adult and Professional Studies Program at Newman University offers individually tailored pathways to graduation.
How Your Dream Pursuit Shapes Your Children’s Future
Every time you sit at the kitchen table with your textbooks after the kids are in bed, you’re silently reshaping their understanding of what’s possible in life. Each paper you complete, each obstacle you overcome, becomes woven into their developing worldview about persistence, timing, and the human capacity for growth at any age. The narrative shifts from “Dreams have deadlines” to “Dreams have seasons,” and that subtle distinction can alter the entire trajectory of how your children approach their own aspirations. For adults considering further education, explore adult studies programs that can inspire your journey.
Children Mirror What They See, Not What You Tell Them
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice, but the way we live in front of our children becomes their life script.” — Dr. Ellen Galinsky, author of Mind in the Making
Your children are constantly watching, absorbing, and internalizing the way you navigate your own unfulfilled aspirations. When you make statements like “I always wanted to finish my degree, but that ship has sailed,” you’re teaching them that dreams come with expiration dates. Conversely, when you demonstrate through action that it’s never too late, you’re installing a psychological safety net beneath their future failures and setbacks. This modeling creates what psychologists call “permission structures”—unspoken understandings about what choices are available and acceptable in life.
The Psychology Behind “Do As I Do” Parenting
Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory explains why your actions matter more than your words when it comes to influencing your children. Children learn primarily through observation and imitation, a process called “modeling.” When you actively pursue your educational goals, you’re not just improving yourself—you’re programming your children’s understanding of possibility, effort, and the relationship between age and achievement. For those interested in furthering their education, adult studies programs can be a great option to consider.
This psychological principle explains why children of parents who return to school often show improved academic performance themselves. One study found that when parents pursued education later in life, their children’s grades improved by an average of 4-7% within the same academic year. The improvement wasn’t from direct tutoring but from witnessing their parents’ commitment to learning, creating an atmosphere where education was visibly valued.
How Pursuing Your Dreams Creates Permission for Theirs
By returning to your educational journey, you establish what psychologists call a “growth mindset environment” at home. This environment sends the powerful message that intelligence and abilities aren’t fixed traits but qualities that can be developed through dedication and hard work. When children see you studying, struggling with difficult material, and persisting despite challenges, they internalize the belief that effort leads to mastery—a mindset that will serve them throughout their lives.
Your decision to pursue your degree now also normalizes educational pivots and non-linear life paths. In today’s rapidly changing economic landscape, your children will likely change careers multiple times and need to acquire new skills throughout their lives. By modeling educational resilience, you’re preparing them for this reality better than any lecture could.
5 Signs You’ve Been Putting Your Dreams on Hold
Recognizing when you’ve been shelving your aspirations is the first step toward reclaiming them. If you find yourself reflexively dismissing possibilities with “maybe someday” or “when the kids are older,” you’re in the grips of delay thinking. This mindset masquerades as responsibility but often reveals itself through the bitter taste of regret that surfaces during quiet moments or when you encounter others living your unlived life.
The “Someday” Syndrome
Listen carefully to your own language patterns. Do you constantly push your dreams into a hypothetical future that never quite arrives? “Someday when the kids are older,” “Someday when we have more money,” “Someday when things settle down”—these phrases mask the uncomfortable truth that someday is not a day of the week. If you’ve been using these phrases for years, you’re experiencing the someday syndrome, a particular form of self-deception that feels responsible but actually reflects fear disguised as prudence.
Someday thinking creates a psychological escape hatch that prevents you from confronting the real barriers—often fear of failure or identity disruption—that keep you from pursuing your education. Breaking this pattern requires setting concrete timelines and taking immediate, if small, action steps toward your goal.
Using Your Kids as the Excuse
Parents often frame their decision to abandon personal dreams as a sacrifice made for their children. “I couldn’t finish school because I had to focus on being a parent” becomes a noble-sounding narrative that goes unquestioned. Yet this reasoning creates a false dichotomy between being a good parent and pursuing personal fulfillment.
Research consistently shows that parents who maintain personal aspirations alongside parenting responsibilities actually provide better role modeling for children. The key question becomes not “Am I being selfish by pursuing my dreams?” but rather “What message am I sending my children about life’s possibilities when I continually put my own dreams last?”
The Regret That Keeps You Up at Night
Unresolved regret about educational paths not taken often manifests as sleep disturbances, irritability, or a persistent sense of something important left undone. If thoughts about your unfinished degree regularly surface during milestone events or during conversations about your children’s future, your subconscious is signaling unfinished business that needs addressing.
This type of regret differs from simple wistfulness—it carries emotional weight that affects your present quality of life and self-perception. Cornell University research shows that our deepest regrets typically center on educational opportunities not taken rather than mistakes made, precisely because education represents possibilities that directly impact life trajectory.
Telling Your Kids to Follow Their Dreams While Abandoning Yours
Perhaps the most revealing sign comes when you find yourself enthusiastically encouraging your children to pursue their dreams while simultaneously dismissing your own as impractical or too late. This cognitive dissonance creates an underlying tension children inevitably sense. They absorb not just what you say but the implicit message in how you treat your own aspirations.
Children are remarkably perceptive to this disconnect. They notice when you light up talking about what you once wanted to do or be, only to quickly dim that light with dismissive language about why it can’t happen now. These moments teach them more about how to approach their future than any motivational speech you might give.
Settling for “Realistic” Instead of Reaching for “Remarkable”
Have you noticed how your definition of “realistic” has shrunk over time? Many adults who postponed education develop a habit of downgrading their aspirations, labeling their original dreams as “unrealistic” or “impractical.” This self-limiting belief system gets passed down to children who learn to preemptively lower their own expectations. When you catch yourself saying “I’m too old” or “It’s too late,” you’re not just placing limitations on yourself—you’re establishing the future boundaries your children will likely place on themselves.
Start Small: First Steps to Dusting Off Your Dreams
Reviving a long-dormant educational dream doesn’t require dramatic life upheaval. The most sustainable approach begins with small, consistent actions that gradually create momentum. Rather than waiting for perfect conditions, successful returning students typically begin with just 15 minutes of intentional daily action—researching programs, contacting admissions offices, or refreshing prerequisite knowledge through free online resources.
The key is breaking through the inertia that keeps most adults trapped in cycles of postponement. Each small action reduces the psychological resistance to change and builds evidence that progress is possible even within your existing constraints. Remember that even the most accomplished degree completers started with a single step back toward their unfinished business.
The 15-Minute Dream Revival Plan
Begin by carving out just 15 minutes daily—early morning before the household wakes, lunch break at work, or after bedtime routines—to focus exclusively on your educational goals. During this time, take concrete actions like requesting transcripts from previous institutions, researching degree completion programs that accommodate adult learners, or connecting with academic advisors who specialize in returning students. This micro-commitment approach bypasses the overwhelm that prevents most adults from restarting their education.
What makes this strategy particularly effective is that it respects the reality of your busy life while still creating forward momentum. Research on habit formation shows that consistency matters more than duration—15 minutes daily achieves far more than an occasional two-hour session whenever you can “find time.” Plus, your children witness this consistent commitment to your goals, absorbing a powerful lesson about how meaningful change happens.
Involve Your Kids in Your Journey
Rather than compartmentalizing your educational pursuit as separate from family life, consider appropriate ways to involve your children in your learning journey. Depending on their ages, this might mean studying alongside them during homework time, asking them to quiz you before exams, or explaining concepts you’re learning in child-friendly terms. These interactions transform what could be perceived as time taken away from them into a shared growth experience that strengthens your connection.
Many successful returning students establish “family study time” where everyone works on their respective learning goals together. This approach normalizes lifelong learning and creates a powerful household culture where education is valued as a shared priority rather than a competing interest. Children who participate in their parents’ educational journeys often develop stronger academic identities themselves.
Create a Family Dream Board
Visual representations of goals have remarkable staying power in our consciousness. Create a family dream board where everyone’s aspirations—including your educational goals—are visually represented. This tangible reminder keeps your commitment visible and integrates your personal growth into the family’s collective identity and future vision.
The family dream board serves multiple purposes: it keeps your educational goal front-of-mind, demonstrates that everyone’s dreams matter, and creates natural opportunities for conversations about progress and persistence. When children see their goals alongside yours, they internalize that dreams aren’t just for kids—they’re the driving force behind meaningful lives at any age.
What to Do When Fear and Self-Doubt Creep In
The journey back to education inevitably involves moments of intense self-doubt. Questions like “Can I still learn effectively?” or “Will I fit in with younger students?” are normal concerns that nearly every returning student experiences. The difference between those who succeed and those who abandon their dreams again isn’t the absence of fear but the relationship they develop with that fear.
Rather than hiding these moments of vulnerability from your children, consider sharing age-appropriate versions of your concerns and the strategies you’re using to overcome them. These authentic conversations become some of the most valuable teaching moments your children will experience—far more impactful than any lecture about perseverance could ever be.
The “What If I Fail?” Conversation You Need to Have With Your Kids
One of the most powerful discussions you can initiate with your children involves openly acknowledging your fear of failure while pursuing your education. Rather than presenting a façade of unwavering confidence, share how you manage self-doubt, what strategies help you persist through difficult material, and how you’re defining success beyond perfect grades. This vulnerability transforms potential failure from something shameful to be avoided into a natural part of any meaningful pursuit.
Children who witness their parents navigate fear productively develop greater emotional resilience themselves. By normalizing the uncomfortable emotions that accompany growth, you’re equipping your children with psychological tools they’ll need throughout life. The lesson becomes not that adults never feel afraid, but that courage means taking action despite those fears.
Why Your Age Is Your Advantage, Not Your Limitation
The narrative that learning capacity diminishes with age has been thoroughly debunked by neuroscience. While the brain does change, adult learners possess significant advantages over their younger counterparts: stronger motivation, real-world experience that creates contextual hooks for new information, and better-developed metacognition (awareness of their own learning processes). Research consistently shows that adult students often outperform traditional-aged students precisely because of these advantages.
When doubts about your academic abilities surface, remind yourself that your life experience represents a wealth of knowledge that younger students simply don’t possess. Your ability to connect theoretical concepts to practical applications gives you an edge in meaningful learning. This perspective shift transforms what might feel like a liability into a genuine academic strength.
When Your Dreams Require Family Sacrifice
The reality of returning to education as a parent inevitably involves trade-offs. There will be events missed, attention divided, and financial resources reallocated. Rather than minimizing these impacts or feeling guilty about them, successful returning students address them directly, involving family members in decision-making and creating compensatory rituals that maintain connection during intense academic periods.
How to Know If It’s Worth It
Determining whether the sacrifices required for your education are justified involves honest assessment of both tangible and intangible factors. Beyond the straightforward calculation of potential earnings versus costs, consider the psychological cost of continued regret, the modeling value for your children, and the quality-of-life improvements that come with fulfilling long-held aspirations. Research consistently shows that educational attainment correlates strongly with life satisfaction, health outcomes, and longevity—benefits that extend to family members as well.
Adult students who successfully complete degrees typically report that the short-term sacrifices, while challenging, pale in comparison to the long-term benefits for the entire family. The key is maintaining perspective during difficult periods by connecting daily challenges to your larger purpose and the multi-generational impact of your educational achievement.
Making It a Family Decision
Rather than unilaterally deciding to pursue your education, involve your family in age-appropriate discussions about what this journey will require from everyone. Children who participate in the decision-making process develop greater buy-in and often become enthusiastic supporters rather than resentful bystanders. These conversations should acknowledge forthcoming challenges while emphasizing how the family will grow stronger through this shared endeavor.
Successful returning students often create family contracts that outline specific ways each member will contribute to the collective goal of the parent’s education. These agreements might include temporary redistribution of household responsibilities, adjusted expectations during exam periods, or scheduled “compensation time” when academic demands temporarily ease. This approach transforms your educational pursuit from a potentially divisive individual activity into a family achievement that everyone contributes toward.
Setting Boundaries So Your Kids Don’t Resent Your Dreams
While pursuing your education necessarily requires reallocating time and attention, clear boundaries prevent children from feeling that your studies always take precedence over their needs. Establish protected family times that remain sacrosanct regardless of academic demands, create visible study schedules so children can anticipate your availability, and develop explicit protocols for how interruptions will be handled during study sessions. These structures provide children with security and predictability amid changing routines.
Turn “I Can’t Because…” Into “I Can And Here’s How”
The language patterns we use shape our perception of possibility. When you catch yourself saying “I can’t go back to school because…” challenge yourself to reframe it as “I can go back to school, and here’s how I’ll address this challenge.” This linguistic shift transforms perceived barriers from immovable obstacles into problems requiring creative solutions.
This reframing technique works particularly well when modeled openly for children. When they hear you talking through challenges with a solution orientation rather than defeatist language, they absorb this approach and begin applying it to their own obstacles. The impact extends beyond your educational journey to shape how your entire family approaches life’s inevitable complications.
Breaking Through Time Constraints
Time limitations represent the most commonly cited barrier for parent learners. Successful strategies include conducting a time audit to identify low-value activities that can be eliminated, batching household tasks for efficiency, embracing imperfection in non-essential areas, and leveraging “edge time”—small pockets of otherwise unused minutes throughout the day. Many parent graduates report that their educational success hinged not on finding large blocks of study time but on maximizing these interstitial moments while waiting at appointments or during children’s activities.
Finding Money for Your Dreams Without Breaking the Bank
Financial concerns often deter parents from returning to education, yet numerous resources exist specifically for adult learners. Beyond traditional financial aid, investigate employer tuition assistance programs, prior learning assessments that award credit for work experience, competency-based programs that allow acceleration based on existing knowledge, and scholarships specifically designated for parents returning to education. Many successful parent graduates utilize a patchwork approach, combining multiple funding sources to minimize out-of-pocket expenses and prevent educational debt from compromising family financial security.
Creating a Support System When Nobody Believes in You
The social environment surrounding your educational return significantly impacts your likelihood of success. If your immediate circle responds with skepticism or outright discouragement, actively cultivate connections with those who understand and support your goals. This might include joining cohorts specifically for returning students, connecting with parent-student organizations, finding a mentor who successfully navigated a similar path, or even starting a study group with other parents in your program. These supportive relationships provide both practical assistance and psychological reinforcement during inevitable difficult periods.
The Legacy of Persistence: What Your Kids Really Learn When You Don’t Give Up
The most enduring impact of your educational journey may not be the degree itself but the legacy of persistence you establish for your family. Children who witness their parents overcome obstacles to complete long-delayed dreams develop what psychologists call an “internal locus of control”—the belief that outcomes in life are primarily determined by one’s own actions rather than external circumstances or timing. This mindset correlates strongly with achievement, resilience, and life satisfaction across multiple domains.
As one parent graduate explained, “The diploma hangs on my wall, but the real achievement lives in my children’s changed perception of what’s possible in life.” By demonstrating that dreams don’t have expiration dates, you’re not just changing your own story—you’re altering the narrative landscape your children will navigate throughout their lives. That legacy of possibility may ultimately prove more valuable than any career advancement or financial gain your education provides.
Frequently Asked Questions
The journey back to education raises common concerns that many parent learners struggle with. Addressing these questions directly can help overcome the psychological barriers that keep many adults from reclaiming their educational dreams. Remember that thousands of parents have successfully navigated these same challenges and emerged with both degrees and strengthened family relationships.
The key to resolving these concerns lies in rejecting either/or thinking in favor of both/and approaches that honor both your educational aspirations and your family commitments. With creativity and support, these competing values can be integrated rather than positioned in opposition to each other.
What if my dream would require me to spend less time with my children?
Quality of interaction often matters more than quantity of time. Research consistently shows that children benefit more from parents who are fulfilled and engaged during their interactions than from those who are physically present but emotionally depleted or resentful. Strategic time management, inclusion of children in appropriate aspects of your educational journey, and creating compensatory rituals during intensive academic periods can maintain strong connections even with reduced face time. Many parent graduates report that while they spent fewer total hours with their children during their education, those interactions became more intentional and ultimately more meaningful.
How do I balance encouraging my child’s dreams while being realistic about limitations?
Effective dream support combines enthusiastic encouragement with scaffolded skill development. Rather than evaluating whether a child’s dream is “realistic,” focus on helping them develop the capabilities, knowledge, and persistence that meaningful achievement requires. This approach respects their aspirations while incrementally building their capacity to overcome obstacles they’ll inevitably encounter.
When limitations must be addressed, frame them as problems to solve rather than reasons to abandon the dream. Asking “How might we make this possible?” rather than stating “That’s not realistic” teaches children to approach constraints creatively—a skill that will serve them regardless of which specific dreams they ultimately pursue.
What if I try to pursue my dream and fail? Won’t that teach my kids the wrong lesson?
Witnessing how you respond to setbacks may be the most valuable education your children ever receive. Children who never see their parents struggle and occasionally fail develop unrealistic expectations about achievement and often crumble when facing their own inevitable disappointments. By modeling resilience—trying again, adjusting approaches, or finding alternative paths—you provide your children with emotional tools that will serve them throughout life. Remember that the lesson isn’t in whether you ultimately succeed by conventional metrics, but in how you engage with challenges along the way.
Is it selfish to pursue my own dreams when I should be focused on my children?
This question reflects a false dichotomy that positions personal fulfillment in opposition to good parenting. In reality, parents who pursue meaningful goals model healthy self-development for their children while simultaneously creating the psychological well-being that enables more effective parenting. Research consistently shows that parents who maintain identities beyond their parental role raise more independent, self-motivated children than those who subsume all personal aspirations to child-rearing. The question isn’t whether you should pursue your dreams or be a good parent, but how you can integrate these complementary aspects of a well-lived life.
Remember that children learn their understanding of adulthood primarily by watching how the adults in their lives approach their own development. When you demonstrate that dreams and personal growth remain important throughout life, you’re preparing them for a more fulfilling adulthood than if you sacrifice all personal aspirations on the altar of parenthood.
How do I reignite a dream I haven’t thought about in years?
Reconnecting with long-dormant dreams often begins with reflection on what originally sparked your passion. What about this particular aspiration called to you? Was it the subject matter itself, the identity associated with the achievement, or particular capacities you hoped to develop? Understanding these underlying motivations helps determine whether the specific dream still aligns with your values or whether it needs updating to reflect who you’ve become in the intervening years.
Practical steps include contacting your previous institution to evaluate remaining requirements, researching how the field has evolved, connecting with others who have completed similar educational journeys later in life, and taking small concrete actions that make the possibility more tangible. Many successful returning students report that the rekindling process accelerated once they took their first tangible step, however small, toward their educational goal.
Remember that pursuing your dreams isn’t just about personal fulfillment—it’s about creating a legacy of possibility that will shape your children’s relationship with their own aspirations for decades to come. By demonstrating that dreams don’t have expiration dates, you’re giving your children permission to pursue meaningful achievement throughout their lives, regardless of setbacks or timing. There’s no more powerful gift you could offer the next generation than this living example of persistent hope.
Adult & Professional Studies
The Adult and Professional Studies Program at Newman University offers individually tailored pathways to graduation.
